Jewish Mothers Nagmetic Poetry Contest

fire Mexican maid

my open purse

she stole sacred Saks card!

(Mrs. Shelly Levine: wife to Dr. Mel Levine – prominent neurosurgeon)

hot sand scorches tusch

Bahamas vacation a bust

forgot La Mer lotion

burned breasts.

lasers will zap sun spots.

(Mrs. Rachel Stine: twice divorced, now happily remarried to goy toy)

daughter’s wedding day

wisterias wilting in scorching sun

caterer forgot chopped liver

dress won’t zip

zaftig.

start Weight Watchers on Monday

trash twinkies.

(Mrs. Elaine Rubin: internet porn entreupeuner – busted once)

my new girlfriend

black bra & boots

she fucks flaming hot.

dangerous dyke

doggie-style diddle

woof!

(Ms. Deborah Silver: born again dyke and sex therapist)

scratched Sy’s new Mercedes

parking space too small

oy!

(Mrs. Fran Frankel: soon to be ex-wife of famous attorney)

pregnant again!

Torah scholar husband

says six is small family

may his putz fall off.

(Mrs. Shlomo Abrams: wife to horny, renowned rabbi)

gardener fucked up fresias

lawn dried to dust

ladies garden club tour

ruined.

what will bridge club say?

(Florence Berg: refuse to use Mrs. – even though Herb disapproves)

son in therapy, again

sold cocaine to crazy kids

such a big deal?!

(Mrs. Aimee Cohen: husband left me for blond bimbo secretary with boobs)

Larry’s going to prison

white collar crime

of course.

embezzled funds from seniors

but we need gelt

more.

(Mrs. Larry Friedman: can I schtupp him in the slammer?)

love cheeseburgers and shrimp

total trashy treyf

keeping kosher never worked

God will punish.

need to buy more pork chops.

(Mrs. Molly Stern: world’s worst Jew)

shopping for shoes

already own over fifty pairs

Manolos marked down twenty percent

max out Master Card

buy now

pay later.

hah!

(Mrs. Herman Epstein: husband made millions from Microsoft stock)

ran out of pills

pop them like candy

only way to live.

can’t cope

with kids.

slow suicide

of modern mom.

(Mrs. Jamie Davidson: recently deceased – overdosed on tranquilizers)

want another tattoo

this one on my booty

will never be buried, now

in Jewish cemetery.

kids can cremate me.

scatter ashes in Macy’s parking lot.

(Ms. Jamie Feldman: rebel, radical, and rule breaker)

I schlepp soccer team

could plotz, pooped out.

endless kvetching falls on

empty ears.

make your own

fucking dinner!

(Mrs. Ida Berman: ready to run off with personal trainer)

~ by kissandkvell on May 13, 2009.